Rosh Hashanah, A Great Time To Be A Graceful Smoker

The Jewish Holy day of Rosh Hashanah has passed this week, and although, I am only Jewish by blood and not practice (haven't been for centuries), I do like to keep informed on these things.

Rosh Hashanah is announced by the blowing of the shofar, a wonderful ram's horn trumpet which announces the beginning of the New Year, which begins upon the seventh month of the Hebrew calendar, Tishrei. Last year, even though I live many miles away from the synagogue, I could hear the shofar.

Rosh Hashanah is the beginning of a period of time in which God goes through His accounts and sets the records in order for the coming year. At this time, He takes on the role of Judge and House Keeper. He has three books up there, the most famous being the Book of Life. According to tradition, the days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are a time of reprieve in which one still has some leniency and can have their case expunged from the death roles and moved onto the roles in the Book of Life.

It's difficult to comprehend, but only the name and the good works of each individual are listed in the Book of Life. Before God even opens it up He dons his Heavenly Hazmat suit and collects all of the sins into a filthy volume which He refuses to open and is barely able to touch. This he tosses out before He opens the Book of Life. But being written in the Book of Life is not enough. Even without one imperfect or evil record listed under one's name it does not guarantee reprieve or that one's soul is saved from damnation.

Perfect isn't good enough for God. This means that no matter how much money one gives to charity, no matter how many old widows one helps across the street, how many awards for saving drowning children, or how many jungle people one has converted and brought Bibles to they still aren't safe from the fire and brimstone.

Why bother being good if this is the case? Personally, I believe it evens the playing field in a very graceful way. This means that a person that has lived in a vegetative state for the last 20 years and has not been able to save the world with their good-deed-doing has as much chance at eternal life as a genetics researcher that has spent their life trying to isolate and eradicate certain dangerous and unrighteous populations that carry restriction markers for tobacco and coffee use (usually, Abrahamic populations). This means that the guy smoking around the corner at your local Baptist church has as much or more of a chance of getting a good write up as the pastor preaching inside.

After getting rid of all the sins, the next step is getting rid of all the good records too. In the end, all that's left is names. One's name is all they'll need to get into those Pearly Gates.

During the season of Rosh Hashanah, each page in the Book of Life is opened and sprinkled with blood. When the blood lands upon the page it completely blots out every good deed and many of the names. Some names are brightened up and show clearer, but not one other piece of information shines through the blood. Then, the cleaned names are sealed with a beautiful blue star.

But what is it that causes some names to be blotted out while others are made to shine more brilliantly and be sealed?

It's called Grace and it can't be obtained by being perfect. Usually, one must be a sinner or a stumbling fool to receive Grace. You can stand by a stream and cast symbolic stones of sin into the current, or recite Torah, or build neighborhoods of white stucco to represent purity, or prostrate yourself five times a day towards the east and fast every day for a month; or do as Americans do and chew coal tar/ Nicotine Replacement gums and candy, volunteer, diet, donate, recycle, and look pretty -- but it's all Hevel, nothing without Grace.

It doesn't matter who controls the Temple Mount or Mecca if there is no Love or Grace. These are only names and geographic locations of historic significance. Grace is larger than them and goes where it will -- usually as far away as possible from the arrogant and self-righteous ones in control of these locations, and as close as possible to those who cannot afford the price of admittance charged to be a member of most religions. If one can't afford their synagogue fees, or zakat, or tithes; chances are that this is a good time of year for them and their name if they'll accept Grace rather than guilt.

If one has a difficult time accepting Grace, then it's a great time to take up smoking cigarettes or the pipe. Back in the old days it was a well known fact that smoke created a protective barrier between God and the sinner, shielding them from view and allowing them to enter into the Holy of Holies. And the ashes represent sin turned to nothing. And some may recall that God liked to travel around in a cloud of smoke and envelope entire mountain peaks in it, or that it exudes from His nostrils on occasion, or that the smell of it is pleasant in Heaven as it represents the prayers of the saints. That old time smoke represented Grace and the covering it provides.

So, instead of casting sins away, this season, perhaps, it would be nice to emulate God by extending Grace to sinners and idiots. There are all kinds of ways to extend Grace to others. One way would be to let someone know their fly is unzipped, or to drive defensively, or smile kindly at that miserable smoker that looks guilty as they sneak a puff outside (smokers, stop looking so guilty and nervous in public! SMILE when you're smoking, and look pleasant and relaxed, for you are an emissary for the rest of the grace-puffers), be less serious around your children, be patient when waiting upon others, and never expect to be noticed or thanked.


Note: Grace doesn't mean being a spineless pushover. It means overlooking, not ignoring. It means looking forward and up, not backwards and down.