The latest attack upon Toyota by the Monopolated Corporation of the United States tells me this morning that the newest "malfunction" is the steering wheel. Whatever. It's all a lie, of course, and only a few old ladies will fall for it.
I LOVE my Toyotas, all of them, and there are nearly a handful lining my driveway along with a lonely Detroit Union Pride auto for those times when a heavy-duty gas guzzler is needed as workhorse. They're in various stages of aging, but each one has driven across country several times, up hills, through valleys, forded streams, broken paths, gone where no man has gone before, and they are always faithful little vehicles.
One has been maimed by a deer that jumped out in front of it. One has a tricky driver's side window, a speaker that vibrates too much, and a dent along the side due to neighborly negligence, and the other is too new to tell what its idiosyncrasy is. All together there is over 40 years worth of trusty Toyota on the property.
But according to the news reports these good natured vehicles are demons that kill. The gas pedal sticks, the brakes give out, and now the steering wheel isn't steerable. I wonder if this is the same tactic Hugo Chavez, dictator to Venezuela is using on Toyota too?
Isn't it curious that Hugo Chavez threatens Venezuela's Toyota and the U.S. threatens its Toyota at the same time? Chavez says that if his country's Toyota doesn't meet his demands he will hand the company over to a Chinese operator.
I suffered the stuck gas pedal issue a couple years ago. It wasn't a danger, but more of a nuisance. It's not that the gas pedal sticks to the floor and causes the car to accelerate, but that the pedal sticks and the car won't accelerate. It was such a non threatening issue that I waited until the next tune-up to have the mechanic fix it, which he did very easily with a small adjustment and lubrication.
Usually, when the brakes don't work as well as they should it means it's time for new brake pads. This is a maintenance issue that every single brand of car has, not a Toyota issue.
And as far as steering problems go. Most of the time it is difficult to steer on icy roads, or when a wind is blowing, or when a driver isn't paying attention, or is eating a submarine sandwich while driving, or is staring at the unusually gorgeous lady on the sidewalk, or when a skunk scurries out, or when fleeing law enforcement, and countless other reasons.
The leading cause of steering malfunction, floored gas pedals, and poor brake function is an idiot driver. The other day an idiot crashed into my driveway, slamming up against the snow bank which stopped her from killing anyone for a few minutes. She was not driving a Toyota, but somehow all of these things malfunctioned in her car. Thank goodness the Toyotas weren't harmed!
I ran out to see how she was doing in her endeavors to get extracted from the drive way. I offered her the use of the manure shovel which works much better than a snow shovel, but she looked frightened of such a thing. I sure wasn't going to dig for her, especially when I saw how stunted her fashion sense was and that she could use a little exercise.
Really, I could not believe that a girl no older than 18 dressed as if she was from a time warp that hasn't progressed forward for the past 5 years (I'm old enough now that it doesn't matter what I wear. I'm timeless). She was from a small town over the hill. I could tell because I know licence plate numbers and which county is which. I'm very wary of drivers from over the hill because they drive so oddly and obliviously, as if they are all high on drugs. I'm bigoted against them solely based upon driving behind them and beside them for years.
I could not understand how on earth she made it over the hill, a mountain pass, yet couldn't drive down my street. It's all I could think about. Finally, I asked, "Did you really drive all the way over the hill?" I said it in such a tone, that she even understood what I meant! It was amazing.
And she explained to me that she got stuck on the street, then hit the gas pedal and went shooting out of the spot, nearly taking out the mail boxes, then over-corrected and before she could stop, my snow bank caught her. If it were not for that snow bank she would have caused real harm to the community.
Finally, her father arrived in his truck. I stood by and listened to him yell at her for a few minutes. It was obvious that the only way to communicate with her was through yelling, and that even then, only about half of the message or idea ever made it through her thick skull. Finally, I left them to their work and went back inside.
And I got to thinking, of how wonderful this Toyota farce could be. If I decide not to stop at a red light I can blame the gas pedal for accelerating, the brakes for not working, and the steering wheel for steering me across. When the officer pulls me over I can look innocent and say it wasn't my fault at all, that I had no choice in the matter, that the car made me do it. Honestly, Ossifer, it wasn't my fault! And if I want to make a little money to pay the fine I can sue the company for millions. But I'm not that kind of person, and my Toyotas aren't those kind of cars.
It's not real. It's an illusion. The United States government is enforcing corporate monopoly desires, destroying competition. Toyota makes great cars at a great price. The cars are made to last like a rechargeable battery bunny banging his drums. But for some reason, the tried and tired propaganda of fear is being foisted upon the dull Americans who really don't care.
As for me, the more cars get out of the way when I come barrelling down the road in one of my Toyotas, the better. I'll drive Toyota until it's banned and even then I'll drive it as a symbol of freedom and market competition. Really, I had no idea Toyota was such a cool and rebellious car until recently. Who would've known!
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